Shake the salt if it's your fault; shake the pepper to blame the leper.
(old Hawaiian saying)

Cannot the shortest among you see up the skirts of opportunity?
--Milton Snerver (1918 Republican presidential candidate)

Every time you sneeze, kiss your nurse's knees.
(from the German:  "Jedes Mal, wenn Sie niesen, küsse deine Krankenschwester die Knie.")

Sleep is the body's way of resting with it's eyes closed.
--(from "Obviously!: A Collection of Sayings by Morons who Think They're So Smart", Dumbass Editions, 1997)

The path to full is paved by food retention.

The good intention is a good invention.

The grande is the message.

--Marshall McLuhan wannabe, in Starbucks

Enough time and ice cream can fix anything.
--from the Bible

The best things in life that aren't free are usually stolen from that asshole, Ron.
--from the Latin

The wolf that is biting your leg is not biting my leg, yet.
--from the Romanian ("Lupul, care este musca piciorul tău nu este musca piciorul meu, încă.")

Sieze the last toaster waffle!
--from the Latin ("Carpe Eggem ultimem")

Who cleans the catbox earns the loyalty of lions.
--from the French

A rising tide lifts all boats, but floods many basements too.

There is no "I" in misstatement.
--Coach Barney (from "More Jock Raps: The Wisdom of Gym Teachers, Volume 2")

The best way to eat is noisily, with lots of num-num noises.
--St. Augustus the Chubby, MCCIV 

Remember the good things about your friends, try to forget the bad things (unless those things are about money).
--from the Portuguese ("Lembre-se das coisas boas sobre seus amigos, tentar esquecer as coisas ruins (a menos que essas coisas são sobre o dinheiro).")

The last weasel is the least weasel.

Humility is a first cousin to humidity.
--from the Portuguese

Someone else will always said it best, eventually.
--not me

Turn often from your path in life to sample the local cheeseburgers.

Curling iron in the tub, Ned won't make it to the pub. -- [from the Old English]

Cake should not be shared with anyone you are not required, morally or karmic-wise, to share cake with.

The stranger the hat, the better the attitude.
(from the crazy Dutch, "De vreemdeling de hoed, hoe beter de houding.")

Ghosts are just dead people who missed the bus.
[from the Swedish, "Spöken är bara döda människor som missade bussen."]

Need is what Want wishes it was.