Sunday, December 25, 2005

Start every day with the enthusiastic breaking of wind.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Fear is merely a manifestation of the presence of big-toothed monsters who can leap out at us at any moment and bite us on very sensitive and private parts of our bodies.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

When the walks are washed the worms will whine.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Memory is like a pump-action bottle of hand cream: It's often located in the bathroom, but if it hasn't been used in awhile it may squirt out all over your shirtsleeve.

Friday, December 16, 2005

The sunglasses are the sneeze-guards of the soul.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Lions leap, leopards lope, Lester just lays there.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The ass is always cleaner on the other side of the bench.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Send a real man to beat up a car salesman.

Friday, December 09, 2005

The meek will inherit the earth, but the greedy will have already spent it.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Do not leave the tent while the camels are copulating.
(from the Bedouin)

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Do not spit at that which can fly over you at an outdoor restaurant.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Men with fists at the end of their arms have either arthritis or intent to do harm.

Friday, December 02, 2005

The largest ships sail under the smallest captains.