Thursday, November 30, 2006

The older the horse the shorter the horserace.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The asshole is the wind tunnel to the small intestine.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Pink guns kill just as well as black ones.
[from The Cosmo Guide to Hand to Hand Combat, July 1978 issue of Cosmopolitan]

Monday, November 27, 2006

Wheat chex, rice chex, corn chex, hand chex.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Never eat at a restaurant named after an invented person whose only claim to culinary prowess is his cleverly alliterative name.
[from Ptomaine Alert at Pteradactyl Terri's Teriaki Tent, issued by the Terre Haute Department of Health, May 10, 2002]

Monday, November 20, 2006

Every story that can be told, has been told, on television, by wacky people living in apartments and constantly barging in on each other in their underwear.

Friday, November 17, 2006

If you hear the train you may be on the tracks.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The stranger the hat, the better the attitude.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Hypothermia is always a good excuse for tardiness.

Monday, November 13, 2006

It's difficult to run from an angry bartender when your mouth is stuffed with olives.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Choose the food-court restaurant that has the second most food-court workers eating at it, because the one with the first most is just giving employee discounts.
[from No, I Found This Mall First, by Christy Teeter, William Reinquist High School journalism class project, 2004]

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Choose the food-court restaurant that has the most food-court workers eating at it.
[from I Found This Mall First, by Tiffany Harris, William Reinquist High School journalism class project, 2004]

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Those who repeat history are doomed to have to write another report on the Taft-Hartley Act.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Those who rewrite history should be forced to leave it.

Monday, November 06, 2006

The question isn't "When?"; it's "Where did my big shoes go?"

Friday, November 03, 2006

Some days you eat the bear; other days, you barely eat.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Fail once, try again; fail twice, blame the test.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Good fences keep out drunk drivers.
[Robert Frost's neighbor, Larry]