Friday, September 29, 2006

Test not, taunt not.
[from So You Adopted a Doberman: 10 Handy Hints for Retaining Your Limbs, a pamphlet published by the Society for Prevention of Painful Canine-Human Interactions, Tampa Bay, FL]

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Toast your bagels like you raise your children: carefully, and darker on the inside.
[from Life Is Just a Giant Breakfast Buffet by Mel Bacon, 1959, Pancake House Publisher]

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Leverage increases with the quality of the candid "holiday snaps."

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Collecting parrot-shaped clocks is just another form of politics.
(from Amazonish Wisdom by Stan Wilbik)

Monday, September 25, 2006

The leaky coffee mug knows best who wears the white shirt.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Avoid the company of friends who talk too much about chopping up the neighbors and eating them.
[attributed to the 20th-century Jewish mystic Jeh Seeko Chin]

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Run through the sprinkler, run past the sprinklee.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The leaky grease trap still gets the grease, just not as much.
[from Pipewrench Philosophers: Great Plumber's Cracks for the Ages, 2002, Plunger Press]

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Give a dog a chew toy and he'll chew for an hour; teach a dog to manufacture chew toys and you'll drive the Chinese right out of the market.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Running with bulls can seem somewhat dull, but gambling with weasels can lead to the measles.
[from Fun with Infectious Diseases: A Coloring Book of the Great Plagues (1978, CDC Publications)]

Friday, September 15, 2006

Running for the bus, at best, results in a bus ride.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The insomniac knows best the snore patterns of his associates.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The shortest distance between two moods is a joke misunderstood.
[from Crying on the Inside: The Selected Wisdom of Sad Clowns, Whoopee Cushion Press, 1979]

Monday, September 11, 2006

When life gives you foreigns, make foreign-aid.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Lemmings to the sea, more lemming chow for me.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Never assume the pregnancy of a female coworker.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

An olive without a pit is like a tooth without a chip.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Beer in the morning, get off with a warning; tequila at noon, incarceration 'til June.
[from The Collected Outhouse Wisdom of Pittsburgh Slim (Mental House Publishing, 1998)]

Friday, September 01, 2006

The last straw sometimes leads to the best milkshake.