Sing like a chimpmunk in public long enough and you're bound to get punched by one.

It is not always certain whether we are the chimps or the bananas.

The rest of your life will feel like a syndication of that one cancelled TV show about the dentist and the talking bear.

Smile, and the Mona Lisa will smile back, but in a kind of creepy way.

For every first oboe player there is a second oboe player with blood in his eyes.
[from the Italian]

Never correct the pronunciation of someone you have a crush on.

Thumbs up for thimbles!

The ice age had ice, the bronze age had bronze, but those of us of a certain age had cheetos and the Fonz.

The quickest way out of a hangover is through the restroom.

Why choose to fly too close to the sun when you can sink too low into a morass of narcotics and porn?
[from the Latin]