Underpants are never an inappropriate housewarming gift.

Next to the frog, the politician eats the most flies.

Cold-water swim--shrinkage on Jim.

Even an ignorant monkey knows the easiest way to open a banana.

He is a horse who runs with the woman, a donkey who carries her, and a mule who stays in the barn.

There are three kinds of Hell, and two of them smell like urinal cakes.
[from the Finnish]

Lactose intolerant, schmactose intolerant.

We ask the same from cars and condoms--make the trip without breaking down.

Check the chicken, choke the carburetor.

Chance is the canned ham that falls off the truck; karma the canned ham that falls off the truck and hits the head of that kid who used to steal my ham sandwiches in the fourth grade.

A cheerful insult is an open gate in the chicken-wire fence of friendship.
(obscure rural Tennesee folk wisdom)

Those who make up proverbs are doomed to repeat themselves.

Who finishes the pickles must drink the brine.
(from the original Portuguese)

That which is illegal today should have been stockpiled yesterday.

A wise man brings extra olives.

Squirrel in the tree--on your head he will pee.
(very roughly translated from the original Spanish)