You can teach a hen to tapdance, but if it doesn't lay eggs, forget about it.

Dyspeptic is as dyspeptic does.

On the other side of the fence the doberman sleeps.
(from the Jamaican patios)

Trying to fly before you have wings requires rockets and stupidity.

Lippy Baboon and Myron too!
(obscure 22nd-century political slogan)

Death will not knock if a doorbell is available.

Even the fastest train cannot catch up to the spreading gossip about your unique sexual proclivities.
(from the French)

One-ply or two, it all ends up clogging the crapper.

He who makes up proverbs must be paid handsomely for the effort.

Beware the man who wears sandals with his trenchcoat.

The sharpest beak finds the juiciest bark beetles.

One live yak is worth more than ten dead Toyotas.
from The Wit and Wisdom of the Mongal Steppes, 2nd Ed.

The phone will ring three minutes after the postman leaves.

Spread your lies like breadcrumbs and pigeons will gather.