The older the horse the shorter the horserace.

The asshole is the wind tunnel to the small intestine.

Pink guns kill just as well as black ones.
[from The Cosmo Guide to Hand to Hand Combat, July 1978 issue of Cosmopolitan]

Wheat chex, rice chex, corn chex, hand chex.

Never eat at a restaurant named after an invented person whose only claim to culinary prowess is his cleverly alliterative name.
[from Ptomaine Alert at Pteradactyl Terri's Teriaki Tent, issued by the Terre Haute Department of Health, May 10, 2002]

Every story that can be told, has been told, on television, by wacky people living in apartments and constantly barging in on each other in their underwear.

If you hear the train you may be on the tracks.

The stranger the hat, the better the attitude.

Hypothermia is always a good excuse for tardiness.

It's difficult to run from an angry bartender when your mouth is stuffed with olives.

Choose the food-court restaurant that has the second most food-court workers eating at it, because the one with the first most is just giving employee discounts.
[from No, I Found This Mall First, by Christy Teeter, William Reinquist High School journalism class project, 2004]

Choose the food-court restaurant that has the most food-court workers eating at it.
[from I Found This Mall First, by Tiffany Harris, William Reinquist High School journalism class project, 2004]

Those who repeat history are doomed to have to write another report on the Taft-Hartley Act.

Those who rewrite history should be forced to leave it.

The question isn't "When?"; it's "Where did my big shoes go?"

Some days you eat the bear; other days, you barely eat.

Fail once, try again; fail twice, blame the test.

Good fences keep out drunk drivers.
[Robert Frost's neighbor, Larry]