Those who spend their days counting money will spend their nights with the girlfriends of bankers.

Lose the hat, keep the cat, take the bus to Angkor Wat.

Warm your tush before the stove; the burning bush is just for Jove.

Travel by horse and remember the course.  Travel by Greyhound and get fleas from a backpack.

Who chooses to bathe in the soup will be licked by old Jewish men.

Shake the salt if it's your fault; shake the pepper to blame the leper.
(old Hawaiian saying)

Cannot the shortest among you see up the skirts of opportunity?

--Milton Snerver (failed 1918 presidential candidate from the briefly active hybrid "Moose-Whig" Party)

Every time you sneeze, kiss your nurse's knees.
(from the German:  "Jedes Mal, wenn Sie niesen, küsse deine Krankenschwester die Knie.")

Sleep is the body's way of resting with it's eyes closed.
--(from "Obviously!: A Collection of Sayings by Morons who Think They're So Smart", Dumbass Editions, 1997)

The path to full is paved by food retention.

The good intention is a good invention.

The grande is the message.

--Marshall McLuhan wannabe, in Starbucks

Enough time and ice cream can fix anything.
--from the Bible

The best things in life that aren't free are usually stolen from that asshole, Ron.
--from the Latin

The wolf that is biting your leg is not biting my leg, yet.
--from the Romanian ("Lupul, care este musca piciorul tău nu este musca piciorul meu, încă.")

Sieze the last toaster waffle!
--from the Latin ("Carpe Eggem ultimem")

Who cleans the catbox earns the loyalty of lions.
--from the French

A rising tide lifts all boats, but floods many basements too.

There is no "I" in misstatement.
--Coach Barney (from "More Jock Raps: The Wisdom of Gym Teachers, Volume 2")

The best way to eat is noisily, with lots of num-num noises.
--St. Augustus the Chubby, MCCIV 

Remember the good things about your friends, try to forget the bad things (unless those things are about money).
--from the Portuguese ("Lembre-se das coisas boas sobre seus amigos, tentar esquecer as coisas ruins (a menos que essas coisas são sobre o dinheiro).")

The last weasel is the least weasel.

Humility is a first cousin to humidity.
--from the Portuguese

Someone else will always said it best, eventually.
--not me

Turn often from your path in life to sample the local cheeseburgers.