We should fear that which does not fear us, or which does not fear that which we fear.

Old men drive sportscars, so do young women and guys named Earl.

Bald as a cueball, crazy as an eightball, sticky as a gumball.

In every town there is a Broadway, but rarely is there a Dudeway.

A public restroom is only as good as the use to which it is put.

Cart, carriage, or coffee table--the corpse doesn't care.

To barbers and brain surgeons: always polite.

The carpal tunnel is neither a Transylvanian highway feature nor a sex act with a fish.

Foresight provides enough chairs for the asses.

Never make eye contact with a naked bus driver.

The first martini is often the best martini.

The chicken's curse is how good it tastes.