With llamas and lava lamps--always careful.

Red in the morning, hangover forming; red still at noon, wish death to come soon.

The best hemorrhoids are the hemorrhoids of your enemy.

Choose your lubricant with as much care you would your proctologist.

Test the turkey, tempt the tiger.
(Yoruba folk saying)

The fowl leaves when the leaves fall.

Someone named Tonya (with an "o") knows your sister.
[translated (poorly) from the original Flemish]

Those who pee in public test the goodwill of their neighbors.

Choosing new upholstery is a step toward recovery.

Revenge for the revenger--Stonehenge for the stonehenger.

There are six-sides to every three-way.

Ice melts at the same rate as the gin gets diluted.

Greet the world with a frown, unless you want a bunch of idiots to assume that you're happy to see them.

Who wishes to be born must first pass a testicle.

Lord or lard, we all need a reason to get out of bed.

Tricycle, bicycle, life cycle, icicle, recycle.

Two kidneys, no waiting!

The value of a friendship can be measured in unpaid loans.

No room for gloom in Altoona!
[rejected state tourism slogan]

As the undertaker rejoices, the insurance salesman weeps.