Every time you sneeze, kiss your nurse's knees.
(from the German:  "Jedes Mal, wenn Sie niesen, küsse deine Krankenschwester die Knie.")

Sleep is the body's way of resting with it's eyes closed.
--(from "Obviously!: A Collection of Sayings by Morons who Think They're So Smart", Dumbass Editions, 1997)

The path to full is paved by food retention.

The good intention is a good invention.

The grande is the message.

--Marshall McLuhan wannabe, in Starbucks

Enough time and ice cream can fix anything.
--from the Bible

The best things in life that aren't free are usually stolen from that asshole, Ron.
--from the Latin