Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Sing like a chimpmunk in public long enough and you're bound to get punched by one.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

It is not always certain whether we are the chimps or the bananas.

Monday, December 18, 2006

The rest of your life will feel like a syndication of that one cancelled TV show about the dentist and the talking bear.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Smile, and the Mona Lisa will smile back, but in a kind of creepy way.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

For every first oboe player there is a second oboe player with blood in his eyes.
[from the Italian]

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Never correct the pronunciation of someone you have a crush on.

Friday, December 08, 2006

The ice age had ice, the bronze age had bronze, but those of us of a certain age had cheetos and the Fonz.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

The quickest way out of a hangover is through the restroom.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Why choose to fly too close to the sun when you can sink too low into a morass of narcotics and porn?
[from the Latin]