Safety smells like latex.

Childhood lasts as long as your trust fund holds out.

Nobody is ever really named Cedric.

Fix the poodle, or expect inevitable unpleasantries with your neighbor.
(from the Old Dutch)

Thank Dog It's Yadirf!

The sousaphone solo is the second-to-last refuge of scoundrels.

Better to choose a life in Spain than a wife in pain.

The flea it will dig lest the dog pays the vig.

Gasoline, kerosene, Vaseline, embarrassing.

Mother knows best what father is incapable of.

It is not terrible when terrible things happen to terrible people.

Who spits at the eagle is eager for spittle.

It can't always rain gold out of your
[insert orifice here].

Fishing for giraffes requires either a tall pole or a deep pool.

To run from trouble is as good a plan as any.

Werner B. Telmach owes you twenty-five kroners.
(from the Old German)

The teapot whistles when the toaster pops.

Stand on any corner long enough and eventually they will widen the road over your shoes.

We learn the most from the mistakes of the semi-famous.