Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his sternum.
[Long-forgotten tagline from the poster for a b-grade slasher film from the eighties.]

Monday, October 30, 2006

Every other person in the world hears your voice as much whinier than you do.

Friday, October 27, 2006

You can lead a nerdy, bucktoothed scientist to a light-water reactor, but you can't make him Frink.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

You can leave aluminum in water, but that won't make it zinc.
[from Those Wacky Chemists: Wit and Wisdom of Canadian High School Chemistry Teachers--Volume 2, The Seventies, Periodic Press]

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

You can leave the red socks in the water, but your pants will come out pink.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

You can lead a German colonel to Wasser, but you can't make him Clink.

Monday, October 23, 2006

You can lead a sausage to breakfast, but you can't make it link.
[from Life Is Just a Giant Breakfast Buffet by Mel Bacon, 1959, Pancake House Publisher]

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Waffles are worried pancakes.
[from Life Is Just a Giant Breakfast Buffet by Mel Bacon, 1959, Pancake House Publisher]

Monday, October 16, 2006

If the devil himself walked into a shopping mall there would still be a line at the cinnamon roll place.
[erroneously attributed to Winston Churchill]

Friday, October 13, 2006

Your fried eggs are indeed staring at you, but they're not going to start anything.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Prepare yourself for the coming obesity and hemorroids.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The ladder of success is not as useful as the elevator of nepotism.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Friday, October 06, 2006

Paint washes off, but the pain of seeing your sexual prowess demeaned in 10-foot-tall spraypaint letters on the side of an abandoned warehouse visible from the highway can last for years.

Monday, October 02, 2006