Gasoline, kerosene, Vaseline, embarrassing.

Mother knows best what father is incapable of.

It is not terrible when terrible things happen to terrible people.

Who spits at the eagle is eager for spittle.

It can't always rain gold out of your
[insert orifice here].

Fishing for giraffes requires either a tall pole or a deep pool.

To run from trouble is as good a plan as any.

Werner B. Telmach owes you twenty-five kroners.
(from the Old German)

The teapot whistles when the toaster pops.

Stand on any corner long enough and eventually they will widen the road over your shoes.

We learn the most from the mistakes of the semi-famous.

A clean penis is a popular penis!

Poets and psychopaths both could use more fiber in their diets.

Happy is the man who knows he has food on his face.

Impress girls, amaze your friends: wipe that mayonaisse off your cheek.

What is foreign to me is foreign to you unless you are a foreigner.

No time like the present to toilet-train the mongoose.

The salad fork is mightier than the dessert fork.

The cow that gives the most milk sleeps closest to the farmer.

Who fails to sweep the floor misses the leftovers.

The thicker the cheese, the heavier the pizza.

Hitting on someone in a bar is like cutting off a large truck on the highway: either way you better hope the airbags work.

Wash the wise man's feet, but be careful of his corns.

Wolves, waves, and wives--they travel in packs and have been known to kill.

If either you or the painter has big teeth, your portrait will as well.