The best way to eat is noisily, with lots of num-num noises.
--St. Augustus the Chubby, MCCIV 

Remember the good things about your friends, try to forget the bad things (unless those things are about money).
--from the Portuguese ("Lembre-se das coisas boas sobre seus amigos, tentar esquecer as coisas ruins (a menos que essas coisas são sobre o dinheiro).")

The last weasel is the least weasel.

Humility is a first cousin to humidity.
--from the Portuguese

Someone else will always said it best, eventually.
--not me

Turn often from your path in life to sample the local cheeseburgers.

Curling iron in the tub, Ned won't make it to the pub. -- [from the Old English]

Cake should not be shared with anyone you are not required, morally or karmic-wise, to share cake with.

The stranger the hat, the better the attitude.
(from the crazy Dutch, "De vreemdeling de hoed, hoe beter de houding.")

Ghosts are just dead people who missed the bus.
[from the Swedish, "Spöken är bara döda människor som missade bussen."]

Need is what Want wishes it was.

Feed the dogs before the cats and cat pee shows up in your hats.
[from the German, "Füttern Sie die Hunde vor den Katzen und Katzen pinkeln zeigt sich in Ihrem Hüte."]

Do, or do not--just don't wake Jeff.
[from the Maltese: "Do, jew ma - biss ma tranja Jeff."]

Very few men know the true meaning of blavery.

Just and fair, the noble vole--it bites at anything you stick in its hole. 
[from the French]

Jello in your socks at morn will coax away the hardest corn.
[from "Shamans of Sheboygin: A Cheese-State Compendium of Folk Remedies",  Ethel's House Press, 1972]

Time is a river of cheese fondue and we are the croutons.
[from the sayings of the 5th-century Roman poet, Ovoid]

Start your day with an enormous poop, and you can jump through any hoop!

[Catchphrase for 40s radio pitchman, Ranger Regular, maker of Ranger Regular's Rocket Fiber Supplements]

Another day, another Doris.

Taco, burrito, cheese enchilada...If he's eaten all three, he's probably your father.

Give a man a twinkie and he'll snack for a few minutes, teach a man how to build a well-concealed underground shelter stocked with thousands of twinkies and he'll survive the coming zombie attacks. -- [overheard on a bus in Tulsa]

Lemmings to the sea--more lemming chow for me.

There are no stupid questions--only stupid birds.

The nose is a lot plainer on the end of somebody else's face.

Taste the donut, eat the dozen.