The best things in life that aren't free are usually stolen from that asshole, Ron.
--from the Latin

The wolf that is biting your leg is not biting my leg, yet.
--from the Romanian ("Lupul, care este musca piciorul tău nu este musca piciorul meu, încă.")

Sieze the last toaster waffle!
--from the Latin ("Carpe Eggem ultimem")

Who cleans the catbox earns the loyalty of lions.
--from the French

A rising tide lifts all boats, but floods many basements too.

There is no "I" in misstatement.
--Coach Barney (from "More Jock Raps: The Wisdom of Gym Teachers, Volume 2")

The best way to eat is noisily, with lots of num-num noises.
--St. Augustus the Chubby, MCCIV 

Remember the good things about your friends, try to forget the bad things (unless those things are about money).
--from the Portuguese ("Lembre-se das coisas boas sobre seus amigos, tentar esquecer as coisas ruins (a menos que essas coisas são sobre o dinheiro).")

The last weasel is the least weasel.

Humility is a first cousin to humidity.
--from the Portuguese

Someone else will always said it best, eventually.
--not me

Turn often from your path in life to sample the local cheeseburgers.

Curling iron in the tub, Ned won't make it to the pub. -- [from the Old English]

Cake should not be shared with anyone you are not required, morally or karmic-wise, to share cake with.

The stranger the hat, the better the attitude.
(from the crazy Dutch, "De vreemdeling de hoed, hoe beter de houding.")

Ghosts are just dead people who missed the bus.
[from the Swedish, "Spöken är bara döda människor som missade bussen."]

Need is what Want wishes it was.

Feed the dogs before the cats and cat pee shows up in your hats.
[from the German, "Füttern Sie die Hunde vor den Katzen und Katzen pinkeln zeigt sich in Ihrem Hüte."]

Do, or do not--just don't wake Jeff.
[from the Maltese: "Do, jew ma - biss ma tranja Jeff."]

Very few men know the true meaning of blavery.

Just and fair, the noble vole--it bites at anything you stick in its hole. 
[from the French]

Jello in your socks at morn will coax away the hardest corn.
[from "Shamans of Sheboygin: A Cheese-State Compendium of Folk Remedies",  Ethel's House Press, 1972]

Time is a river of cheese fondue and we are the croutons.
[from the sayings of the 5th-century Roman poet, Ovoid]

Start your day with an enormous poop, and you can jump through any hoop!

[Catchphrase for 40s radio pitchman, Ranger Regular, maker of Ranger Regular's Rocket Fiber Supplements]

Another day, another Doris.